Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Roger Ebert Thinks I Am An Idiot

A couple of weeks ago, I reviewed Battle: Los Angeles. I gave it an A grade. It was a thrilling science fiction war film about a platoon that gets caught behind enemy lines or should I say alien lines. Well, the great film critic Roger Ebert also reviewed the movie. He gave it one half star out of four. He hated it so much that he decided to go after the people who liked the movie. He wrote,

"Young men: If you attend this crap with friends who admire it, tactfully inform them they are idiots. "

Okay, Roger you think I'm an idiot. So now I'm going to defend Battle: Los Angeles against your criticism. I hope you didn't fall asleep during this movie, because you seemed to have missed all the excitement. You missed the desperate mission behind enemy lines as a platoon of Marines seeks to rescue civilians. I'm guessing you fell asleep because you should have been frightened when you realize the aliens have better weapons.

But let's go over some of your criticism of the movie. You say the aliens don't have any motivation. One, I doubt they speak English, so sorry they're not going to look into the camera and tell you why they're here. But if you were listening, news experts told you that they were after our resources, primarily water. Dr. Stephen Hawking has already proposed this scenario.

You complain about what the aliens look like. To you they look like stick figures. Better have the glasses cleaned. They looked like humanoid, biomechanical soldiers with weapons welded to their arms. Yes, they could have had more detail but this is a war film. The focus is on the Marines. You also complain about the alien ships. You call them ugly and cluttered. Oh come on. This is just subjective. They're supposed to look "alien." Sheesh. Where's your complaints about the clutter of the ships in "Star Wars?"

You then moan about the dialogue. Primarily, that it's short. Man, this is a platoon under fire! What do you want? Long monologues while the aliens are making sushi out of the soldiers. Spoiler Alert. And wow, you weren't touched when the little boy's father died? Or actor Aaron Eckhart's comforting of the boy?

Finally, you complain about the confusing action. What the? Now, I know you fell asleep during the movie. Let me go over the plot for you. A platoon of Marines is sent to a police station in enemy territory to rescue civilians. They get trapped by the aliens. The Marines have to fight their way out. They get a bus and ride part of the way out where they get trapped by alien armor. You missed that. I feel sorry for you. You missed a great movie.

Roger, you're still a great critic. You missed the boat on this one. Oh, and by the way, if any of you people liked Battle: Los Angeles, you are not an idiot.

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