Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Jon Batiste on The Colbert Report

Here's Stephen Colbert's funny interview with New Orleans jazz musician Jon Batiste. Afterwards is a performance by Batiste and Stay Human. They do "Express Yourself." I love the way he gets the audience to dance with some nice moves by Colbert.

Stephen Colbert takes on the Sarah Palin Channel

Oy Vey. Sarah Palin is launching her own web based channel. Thank God for Stephen Colbert. Here's his funny take on the venture. In it, he announces he has bought the URL "" Good luck Stephen in lampooning my crazy right-wing muse.

Stephan Colbert takes on Kim Kardashian

Holy Donkey Kong. Reality Star Kim Kardashian has video game App. Here's what Stephen Colbert has to say about it in a very funny piece.

Stephen Colbert on the Poor Door

There's an apartment complex that has a "poor door" for the low income residents. Sounds like great comic fodder for satirist Stephen Colbert. Here's his take in a "The Word" piece.

Wolfenstein" The New Order Uber difficulty tips

Wolfenstein: The New Order is a very difficult game, even on the normal difficulty setting of "Bring it on." On the hardest setting, called "Uber" it can be a whole new level of pain. The enemies are stronger, more accurate and dish out more damage. But some of you like me are completests when it comes to some games. And yeah, some of you guys in the Internet world found the game easy. Okay, you are a great player but for the rest of us, this Wolfenstein is hard. So here are tips for beating the game on "Uber." There are spoilers so you've been warned.

1. Start your Uber run after beating the game on an easier difficulty setting while getting all the Perks weapons, health and armor upgrades.

I started my Uber run after beating the game on the normal difficulty setting using both the Wyatt and Fergus timelines. While I was completing both, I got all the weapons , Perks, weapons, health and armor upgrades. First, you start your Uber run by starting with Chapter One. Starting a new game eliminates your previous progress. You don't have to do that for completing the game on Uber. Second, all the upgrades will definitely help you beat the game on Uber as they will be immediately available. From 360GameTV, here's a video with all the weapons upgrades.

Second, if you've run through the game a couple of times with both timelines, you know where all the difficult areas are. Remember, you can complete Perks by reloading a prior checkpoint. And let's face it. You will get to see the small differences in timelines while getting both the health and armor upgrades. You can't do both with one timeline.

2. Patience.

Remember the expression, "Fools run in." Well, you can't burst into a room full of enemies like Rambo and expect to survive. Have an idea what causes enemies to spawn. Sometimes it's traveling to a certain area. Other times it's the defeat of some other enemies. So if, guns blazing is bad then what's the best strategy? Read on to Tip Number Three.

3. Stealth is the best for your health.

Always use the Stealth strategy if you can. Killing Nazis without them firing at you makes sense, doesn't it. You don't take damage and you save ammo. Takedowns, and knife throws are fine. But it's the pistol with a silencer that is your best stealth weapon. Of course, you can't take down a Supersoldaten or Super Soldier with a pistol but almost all soldiers and all commanders will go down with one to three shots. The pistol has range so unlike a thrown knife you can hit a target from across a room.

4. Free fire at times.

Aiming a weapon may not be as accurate as free firing. Why? When free firing a weapon use the target reticle. It turns red when moved over an enemy. Great stuff when firing a silenced pistol from across the room.

5. The LaserKraftWerk is the key to victory.

The LaserKraftWerk (LKW) is the most important weapon in the game. Once you get the Portable Reactor from the Da'at Yichud secret weapons cache, you'll have a weapon which does not need ammo pickups. However, recharge stations are much, much faster.

The LKW is one of the most powerful weapons in the game. It will obliterate human soldiers when using scope. And when fully charged watch out. It will take down Supersoldaten with one shot, though such a shot will deplete the battery. However, with the portable reactor, the weapon will fill up with energy without a recharge station.

Let me demonstrate how stealth and LKW can make your life easier. In Chapter 15, "Under Attack", you crawl through some vents before you reach a large sewer room. If you're smart, you don't hop down to the ground but stay in the vent. To your left is a Supersoldaten and across the way is another one. Well, aiming the LKW, you charge up the weapon. Look at the six red circles at the bottom of the scope. When they turn red, the LKW is charged. Fire. One shot. One dead Supersoldaten. His partner will march to your position. Retreat further back. Wait for the LKW to recharge. When it does sneak around the corner and let him have it with a fully charged LKW. Okay, don't go down yet. You should be able to snipe two soldiers through the bottom of the fence or guardrail. Okay, now head down and onto the platform. Watch out for soldiers coming from the right, one of them is a shotgun soldier. Arm your assault rifle and waste him with the secondary fire of the RPG. Mop up. Area cleared.

6. You may need to fall back.

There may be times where you need to fall back to previously traveled areas. This especially happens in Chapter 16, "Return to Deathshead Compound." Of course, if you are one of those video game prodigies, then this may not be needed. For the rest of us, it's safer and more productive than constantly dying.

7. When do you get the Uber Hero Achievement?

After you defeat Mecha Deathshead, there will be a final cutscene. Then the credits roll. At the end of the credits, you will get the Uber Hero Achievement. If you have not completed the game on the hard difficulty setting "I Am Death Incarnate!", you will get credit for that achievement called "Super Hero" in a Two for One notice. The total XBOX gamer points for both will be 100, fifty for each.

Monday, July 28, 2014

John Oliver on America's nuclear weapons arsenal

It's hard to see how one can find comedy in America's nuclear weapons and our maintenance of them. Make that the faulty maintenance of them. But John Oliver of HBO gives it a try. And he's hilarious. From HBO's Last Week Tonight, here's John Oliver's funny piece.

Lucy review

Evolution. Human existence. Time. Space. Topics for a summer popcorn movie? Maybe not. But director and screenwriter Luc Besson boldly goes where no summer blockbuster movie has gone before with his film Lucy. The movie may have taken its name from the main character but with scenes of prehistoric earth featuring the hominid Lucy, man's evolutionary ancestor, it becomes clear that Besson wants to tackle human evolution.

Lucy (Scarlett Johansson)is an American student in Tapei, Taiwan. She likes to party and meets a man named Richard who wants her to bring a briefcase to gangster Jang. (Choi Min-sik) Lucy refuses but Richard handcuffs the case to her wrist thus forcing her to deliver it. Inside the case are four packets of a drug called CPH4. The drug is produced is present in human fetuses to get the body to build bones and organs. Jang intends to introduce it not for medical reasons but for drug abuse. He inserts one packet surgically into Lucy so she can act as a mule. The other three are also embedded to other mules. While in captivity, one of Jang's men beats her so bad that the drug leaks into Lucy's body. Meanwhile, Professor Samuel Norman (Morgan Freeman) is lecturing that man only uses 10 percent of his brain. If man were to use more, he could become more like the dolphin with the ability to organically manipulate the environment. By the way, the small use of the human brain was covered in the funny comedy, Defending Your Life. (1991) But I digress, the effect is that the drug allows her to use more of her brain giving her paranormal abilities. She needs the other three packages so she goes to Jang to find out where they are at.

Scarlett Johansson is very good as Lucy. She goes from terrified college student to a woman who's aware of everything in her environment to a human computer. As far as villains go, Choi Min-sik's gangster Jang is ruthless leaving multiple bodies in his wake. Morgan Freeman is well cast as Professor Norman. His lecture on the use of the brain by humans in the movie is fascinating and well written. It's more compelling than some of the action scenes in the film. He's basically playing himself if you've seen him host the Science Channel's Through the Wormhole. In both roles, Freeman demonstrates his love for science and philosophy.

Luc Besson has his detractors. I wasn't a fan of Besson's science fiction movie, The Fifth Element (1997) which was rather juvenile. But you've got to applaud Besson for making a film that tackles human evolution and existence. He deftly mixes action scenes that demonstrate Lucy's superpowers, car chases and images of the universe. Yes, I'm talking about the universe. Besson knows how to use beautiful, strange images to show Lucy's ability to perceive the world. Human evolution in science fiction has been tackled before. Most notably 2001: A Space Odyssey. (1968) Besson is unafraid of asking the audience to think. What can the brain do when a human can access one hundred per cent of it? And I'm talking about from an evolutionary stand point. Mind control over others. Telekinesis? Unlocking the secrets of the universe? There are very few missteps in this film. The movie needs more time to breathe by having even more discussion about Lucy's evolution. And the last scene made very little sense in context with the voice over narration. I'm sure that's something that Besson should think about changing for any future edition of this film.

Lucy is an entertaining movie that explores human existence. I left the movie thinking about what makes us human. The grade is A.

Reds should stand pat at trade deadline

Yesterday, the Cincinnati Reds lost a series to the Washington Nationals. They're not scoring runs lately and have lost eight of the last nine. The Reds at the at the All Star break were 1.5 games out of first place in the Central Division. Today, they are six games out and the 2014 season is about to become another year the team doesn't make it to the World Series.

The Cincinnati Reds should stop shopping for players as if they're buyers. They should not be sellers either, unless another team gives them a deal they can't refuse. As bad as it is right now, the Reds are still in it. Yes, it will take a small miracle for the Reds to make the playoffs. But the team is not out of it.

The Reds should stand pat at the trade deadline. The team is more than one player from making the playoffs. So all the talk about trading for Philadelphia Phillies' Marlon Byrd makes no sense. But should the Reds do anything? Yes. Sign a free agent that will come cheap and has gas in the tank. The St. Louis Cardinals just signed A.J. Pierzynski who was cut from the Boston Red Sox. The Yankees cut Alofonso Soriano. Reports indicate that he's done for this year. But money talks. The Yankees are on the hook for the bulk of his contract. But could the Reds add a little money to get him to play this year? And I mean a little compared to what he makes now. Maybe he needs a week to get back into the swing of things. The Reds could get him to "rehabilitate" at their AAA affiliate in Louisville. A small but "Hail Mary" move is what the Reds need. I believe Soriano would do well at Great American Ballpark. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Sign Alfonso Soriano.

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Jon Stewart destroys conservative Republicans' view that Reagan would not do fundraisers after the downing of Malaysian Airli nes 17

It's been a conservative mantra that former President Ronald Reagan or Saint Ronald would not have done fund raisers like President Obama after the downing of Malaysian Airlines 17. Thank you Jon Stewart of The Daily Show. In part two of his coverage of the tragedy, he destroys conservative Republicans by showing after the Russians destroyed Korean Airlines 007, Reagan stayed on vacation for four days in Santa Barbara according to Fox News Chris Wallace. Both video pieces are below.

Here's part two where Jon Stewart destroys conservative Republicans on what Reagan would do after the downing of Malaysian Flight 17.

Why CNN matters

I'm watching the cable news coverage of the downing of Malaysian Airlines 17. And I can tell you how the three networks covered it. Fox News: Blame Obama. MSNBC: Must give ample time for our liberal agenda. Then there is CNN. It was informative, interesting and professional. CNN gets some grief from many sources including satirist Jon Stewart of the Daily Show who wants to buy it. But it's the cable news network that consistently covers the news objectively and professionally. CNN matters when it comes to news coverage.

Let's go into a little more detail here about my viewing of the three cable news networks coverage of Malaysian Airlines 17. I watched Fox News because let's face it, they make an attempt at times of doing news though the prime time hours are devoted to conservative right-wing commentary shows. Anyway, there's a vibe here. And it's the old conservative mantra. Liberals are bad and conservatives are good. I mean I see Greta Van Susteren do a segment on why President Obama did some fund raisers right after the disaster. Conclusion from her segment, it was wrong. A couple of things here, Greta. One. It's a serious foreign policy issue but not one that affects Americans on an immediate basis. Two. The fundraisers did not take all week. They were on single nights, leaving the President to still work. Then there is Fox News commentator, former UN Ambassador John Bolton. Whenever I see him, it's the same old stuff. Obama can't do anything right or make that correct. I tired of seeing this guy bend himself like a pretzel to take down Obama. For that matter most of Fox News is like this. Since Russian backed separatists shot down the plane, it's hard to see how Obama was at fault for this. But Fox News does.

I admit I watch a lot of MSNBC. But when it came to this tragedy, I found the network lacking. You could see them duty bound to cover the story but at the half hour, MSNBC had to pivot to its liberal agenda. Malaysian Airlines 17 is an important story. It's an interesting one. But to me the MSNBC had to push its liberal agenda always at the half hour even if Malaysian Airlines Flight 17 is the more important story.

Then there is CNN. Everything works here. They had reporters at the Ukrainian crash site. Their experts had serious credentials without political agendas. They ranged from former government officials to former military to airline disaster experts. But it's more than doing a story about why the evidence points to Russian President Vladimir Putin's support of the Ukrainian separatists led to this disaster. It covered the humanity of the tragedy. Today, I watched extensive coverage of the return of the bodies to the Netherlands on CNN. The cameras caught the extraordinary dignity and grace that the Dutch people exhibited on the return of the fallen. From pictures of the Dutch military saluting in honor of the dead, to people lining the streets respectfully applauding the hearses, to government leaders standing in utmost respect, to lovely church services, there was a depiction of the humanity of this tragedy. And one cable news network got it right. Bravo CNN.

Thursday, July 17, 2014

The Daily Show: CIA employees whine about the cafeteria and Jerry Seinfeld

Last night on The Daily Show, Jon Stewart did a piece on CIA employees whining about their cafeteria. They got a "spy" to talk about the problems. Also there was an interview with Jerry Seinfeld. Funny stuff.

Bill Maher on Republican lies about Obama

Bill Maher on his recent New Rule discussed Republican lies about President Obama. You know ones like death panels on Obamacare. Check out his funny piece here. Courtesy of HBO and Mediaite.

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Stephen Colbert Recaps the World Cup

Here's Stephen Colbert's satirical take on the 2014 World Cup. Very funny stuff.

Stephen Colbert Threat Down All Bear Edition

Is it me or does Stephen Colbert have a thing for bears? Here's his Threat Down piece on bears. Funny stuff.

The Daily Show Extended Interview with Hillary Clinton

Last night on The Daily Show, host Jon Stewart interviewed Hillary Clinton. And in a comedic way, she does indicate she is running for President. This is the the extended interview in four parts.

Monday, July 14, 2014

Reds should pursue Alfonso Soriano

Okay, the Cincinnati Reds are in the hunt for Reds October. They're only 1.5 games out of first place in the NL Central Division. With injuries to second baseman Brandon Phillips and superstar Joey Votto, the Reds need offensive help. But where? Trade? Give up shut the door closer Aroldis Chapman or the very good starter Johnny Cueto? No. Don't mess with what got you here. It was the pitching. And don't think about the kids in the minors. They won't get you much and you don't want to mortgage the future.

That leaves looking for guys who have just hit the streets. The New York Yankees have just released Alfonso Soriano. He can play outfield and second base. He's 38. He's hitting a paltry .221 with six home runs and 23 RBI in 238 at bats. He's known for being a power hitter. I think there's still gas in the tank for Soriano. I believe playing in hitter friendly Great American Ball Park will rejuvenate him. He brings world championship experience to the Reds. And he won't cost you much in salary or minor league talent. I believe by releasing him, the Yankees will eat his salary. So what do you say Reds GM Walt Jocketty?

Fox News' Bob Beckel is no liberal

If you watch Fox News' The Five, Bob Beckel is supposed to be the liberal on the pundit panel. Well, he's liberal according to Fox News. You see Bob got in trouble lately describing Chinese people as "Chinamen." This is not his first time he's made racially tinged remarks. The Huffington Post has compiled some of his other incendiary comments. In fact, in the hilarious Daily Show piece, you can hear Beckel use the term "Chinamen" before the recent controversy. Got to love Jon Stewart's comment on Beckel's alleged liberalism. "Slow down Chomsky." Video below.

As a person of the Chinese race, am I offended by the term "Chinamen?" Yes and no. It's not as racially demeaning as "chink." But it's not neutral either. The word comes from another time when out in the west, Chinese workers were called "Chinamen." It wasn't meant as a term of endearment by the white people who used it. It was meant as negative term. One that indicated those "yellow" people aren't white or Americans. So, it's not as bad as "chink" but it's still not one word that I want to hear being used around me.

But another question is raised by Beckel. Is he the definition of a liberal according to Fox News? Because if he is, then it's an attempt to cast liberals in a bad light. Let me put it this way. I think we can all agree that liberals are the least likely to be the racists of the political spectrum. I mean liberalism sparked the civil rights movement. I an a liberal and know them. They don't talk the way Beckel does. Hence, he's not a liberal.

Here's The Daily Show's riotous video on The Five.

Chris Matthews on Sarah Palin's call for impeachment

Today on Hardball, Chris Matthews went over conservative Republican Sarah Palin's call for the impeachment of President Obama. I cringe whenever she speaks. I am simply amazed at her lack of command of the facts and the English language. Got to love her comment in the piece where she says, "You don't bring a lawsuit to a gunfight." What a moron. And just think. This woman could have been a heartbeat away from the presidency. Here's the video.

Republicans want to impeach Obama

The Huffington Post is reporting that two thirds of Republicans want to impeach President Obama. I'm guessing because he's black. I kid the Republicans. I kid them. But the question is for what reason? The U.S. Constitution requires "treason, bribery or high crimes and misdemeanors." Article II, Section IV. Has Obama done any of those?

It's basically criminal acts which are impeachable. President Obama has not committed treason, bribery, high crimes and misdemeanors in office. I guess the "evil" things he's done is save the U.S economy, start a national health care plan, try to stop global warming, encourage a raise in the minimum wage and oh, kill Bin Laden. So according to Republicans, helping people is a criminal offense. There are more important things to worry about. We still must figure out how to cover the working poor with health insurance. The planet is getting warmer. The economy could be better. Maybe Republicans should worry about those issues. Because folks, if they don't, you should not vote for them.

Saturday, July 12, 2014

Reds biggest win of the season and Chapman sets major league record

Where in the world did Ramon Santiago come from? The Cincinnati Reds utility player is filling in for the injured Brandon Phillips. And he's making the best of it. He was a hero in yesterday's game with the Pittsburgh Pirates, leading the Reds to victory.

It looked bleak. The Reds were reeling from injuries from the last few days. Brandon Phillips out for up to eight weeks. Previously, superstar Joey Votto was hurt and is out indefinitely. Reds starter Mat Latos left the game early due to pain in his back. The Pirates took a 5-1 lead. It looked like the end of the season. And make no mistake, the Pirates are a good team. They're made the playoffs last year and are in the hunt this year. A defeat may have signaled the end of the season.

Then something magical started to happen. In the seventh, Ramon Santiago knocked in a run with a double to bring the Reds to within two runs at 5-2. He would later score. In the eighth, the Reds made a quick two outs. Reds catcher Devin Mesoraco blasted a 419 foot home run. Then singles by Ryan Ludwick and Chris Heisey. Now up comes the unheard of Ramon Santiago. Could he get another hit? The odds were against him. He was facing All Star Pirates reliever Tony Watson. The answer was yes. Santiago hit a sharp line drive for a single. Game tied. (Video) Now all that was needed is the hit to win it. Pinch hitter Bryan Pena singled in the go ahead run. Reds lead 6-5.

Oh yeah, there's more. Reds closer Aroldis Chapman would set a major league record for consecutive innings with a strikeout for a reliever. He did so with three straight strike outs. Each pitch that struck out a batter was over one hundred miles The speed of the pitches was 101, 102, and 103. Game over. And as Marty would say. "This one belongs to the Reds."

With the victory, the Reds move within 1.5 games of the division leading Milwaukee Brewers. Season is not over yet. It ain't over till it's over. Here's the story with video.

Star Trek 3: Bob Orci has not been confirmed as dirctor is reporting that Paramount has not greenlit Star Trek 3 and that writer-producer Bob Orci has not been confirmed as director. In fact, Paramount doesn't have the script yet. Regardless, warp speed Bob. We know you love Star Trek.

Dick Cheney again tries to defend Iraq War with wrong facts

The Huffington Post is reporting that ex-Vice President Dick Cheney is defending the Irag War with wrong facts again. It's an old one but a terrible misstatement. He says that former Iraqi President Saddam Hussein had ties to Al Qaeda. This is what he wrote in the Weekly Standard:

"It is undisputed, and has been confirmed repeatedly in Iraqi government documents captured after the invasion, that Saddam had deep, longstanding, far-reaching relationships with terrorist organizations, including al Qaeda and its affiliates."

Wrong. The Post notes that the 9/11 Commission and the Pentagon concluded that there was no relation between the two. Here are the facts Dick. One. Iraq did not have weapons of mass destruction. That was the whole reason to invade Iraq. Two. Iraq had nothing to do with 9/11. Three. Iraq did not attack the United States. We attacked them.

The war cost us about 1.7 trillion dollars. And killed over one hundred and thirty thousand Iraqi civilians. Reuters report. There were approximately 4487 servicemen and women killed in this wrong war.

Why are we listening to Dick Cheney?

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Rolling Coal: Conservatives show why they're anti-science

The Huffington Post is reporting that some diesel pick up truck owners are intentionally dumping black exhaust filled with unburned fuel into the air as a political protest against President Obama's environmental policies. This protest is called "rolling coal." Of course, it's not healthy or good for the environment. It's the opposite.

Here's what one dealer of the kits that produce rolling coal had to say.

“I run into a lot of people that really don’t like Obama at all,” an unnamed Wisconsin seller of smoke stack kits told Slate's David Weigel, explaining some of the rationale behind the movement. “If he’s into the environment, if he’s into this or that, we’re not. I hear a lot of that. To get a single stack on my truck—that’s my way of giving them the finger. You want clean air and a tiny carbon footprint? Well, screw you.”

Yep, you heard that right. These conservatives hate Obama so much that whatever he's for, they're against. If he said he was for air to breathe, the conservatives would be against it. Just check out the line,"You want clean air and a tiny carbon footprint" Well, screw you."

Voters of America, take note. These guys are the backbone of the Tea Party movement and hence, the foundation of the modern Republican Party. Vote for science. Don't vote for conservative Republicans.

Wolfenstein: The New Order Perks tips

Here are a couple of tips for completing Perks in the video game Wolfenstein: The New Order. First, you don't have to complete the perks through one play through of the game. You can reload the last checkpoints at will and get the Perks. For example, say you want to complete the AR (assault rifle) Magazine Perk. It requires eighty assault rifle kills from cover in primary fire mode. Okay, find a place where you can get a supply of soldiers to kill. I did this in Chapter One where a commander was next to a turret gun. I didn't kill him and let him call for support. Took cover against some sandbags and got about fifty that I needed to complete it.

Second, you might have to complete one Perk to get credit for another Perk. If you go to the Perk menu, you'll see where they require you to complete the prior Perk first. I had trouble with the Sentinel Perk. I then completed the Vaporize Perk then went back to grind the Sentinel one. I started to get credit for my efforts.

As for the Sentinel Perk, here's an easy way of getting it. This comes from Legend Coombsy.

The Cincinnati Reds 2014: Season over?

With the Cincinnati Reds just 2.5 games out of first and having taken four out of five from the lowly Chicago Cubs, is the Reds season over? How could I ask that? Here's why. The Reds biggest offensive threat in first baseman Joey Votto looks to be out indefinitely. Now second baseman Brandon Phillips is out for 8-12 weeks with torn ligaments. Oh, and today, starting pitcher Homer Bailey came out of the Cubs game early with a right knee injury. Want more? Centerfielder Billy Hamilton has tweaked his left hamstring. The baseball gods are not smiling at the Cincinnati Reds.

But seriously, can the Reds survive and thrive? Maybe. It requires good performances of the Reds bench to take over. At the start of the season, you couldn't ask me to pick Ramon Santigo out of a lineup. He's a utility infielder now with a chance to shine. Fans have regularly called on outfielder Chris Heisey to start. Today, he struck out four times. Not a good way to show you are going to help this team offensively. He's got a hole in his swing. But when he makes contact, he hits the ball hard. The Reds are going to have to look internally, i.e., the minor leagues and even any free agents wondering around out there. They can't give up their young minor league talent and mortgage their future. Regardless, there's little there to offer another team. In 1969, the New York Mets won the World Series. They were called the Miracle Mets. Maybe it's time for the Reds to offer their version of a baseball miracle. When it comes to this great sport, one can hope.

Thursday, July 3, 2014

Grand Theft Auto V: Base Invaders made easy

Having trouble with the Grand Theft Auto V online mission, Base Invaders? Here are some tips that will turn this tough mission into one that you'll repeat over and over. Hey, you get $18,750 dollars for between five and ten minutes of work when the mission is set on hard. I'm going to make this bold statement. You should play Base Invaders solo.

The Basics.

The mission Base Invaders requires you to break into Fort Zancudo miltary base, destroy three Lazer jets and steal a Cargobob helicopter. The Cargobob is in a large hanger with an open door. But you have to get in Ron's airplane at Sandy Shores Airport as a requirement to highlight the Lazers. If you are spotted in the base, you will be attacked by infinite amounts of soldiers. Many of them wielding machine guns. Oh, there's also tanks that will spawn if you linger too long. Yikes.

Here are some important tips. One. You do not have to take Ron's airplane to Fort Zancudo. If it gets destroyed, the mission ends in failure. Two. You don't even have to hop into his plane at first. You can do that after you actually have stolen the Cargobob and flown it back to Sandy Shores Airport.

Here are three ways of doing this mission efficiently. Note that the last two are the fastest but are riskier. The beauty of Base Invaders is that it starts and ends at Sandy Shores airport so you can repeat the mission quickly via the pause menu. That means once you finish the mission, you can start it at the same place.

1. Stealth.

This method is mostly stealth but is the safest way. Okay, drive your car north of Sandy Shores airport, past the railroad tracks. Stop. Call for a Buzzard Chopper or if you don't have one, any owned chopper will do. Go back to Sandy Shores where the chopper spawns. Get in. Fly to Fort Zancudo. Fly to the west part of the base. There's a Lazer on this far side of the runway. Land by it. Get out and put a sticky bomb on it. Do not detonate yet.

Now fly to the grassy area in front of the hanger which houses the Cargobob. This is important. Do not fly north of the grassy area or step on the tarmac in front of the hanger. We will move in that direction but not yet. Land on the grassy area. Take out your heavy sniper. There are three soldiers on the second floor overlooking the Cargobob. One is directly behind it. Two are to your left if you're looking at the hanger from the south. One is standing near a coiled hose, which looks like a big wheel. The other is more towards the hanger entrance. To get him you may have to move east on the grass. Anyway snipe them with one shot each. With the heavy sniper, you don't need head shots.

Now get in your chopper and fly into hanger. Once you're there, the jig will be up. Soldiers start to charge into the hanger. But relax. The three soldiers who would have dealt you the major damage are dead. Get in the Cargobob and carefully fly it out of the hanger. Fly it to the hanger just east and land on the roof. Get out. Detonate the sticky bomb on the first Lazer. Now carefully move to the edge of the hanger. Look right, there's a Lazer. Take out your RPG and destroy it. Go to your left. There's the last Lazer. Same thing. Now get back into the Cargobob.

Take off from the roof and fly directly east at first to avoid the troops that are in front of the hanger. Fly back to Sandy Shores. Land on the helipad with the Cargobob on the horizontal bar of the "H". Get in Ron's plane and get out. Get in the Cargobob. The program will note that you've successfully delivered the Cargobob. Mission passed.

2. Fly a Buzzard into the hanger.

This method is similar to the stealth way but without the sniping. Hence, it's faster by about one to two minutes. Let me thank my friend iBlizzzy aka Brian for inspiring this one since he does it basically the same way. I've just tweaked it as to the location of where to destroy the Lazers.

This way starts out the same way as the stealth method. This time you should use a Buzzard Attack helicopter and make sure you are wearing body armor. Carry extra if you need to. Fly over to the fort. Fly to the Lazer further west. You'll easily get a lock on it since there's no troops around it. Destroy it with your rockets. Now fly over to the hanger with the Cargobob. If you get a lock on the second Lazer in front of the hanger, take the shot. But don't waste time. Fly into the hanger and this is important. Fly to the right of the Cargobob or east of the Cargobob.

Get out and climb into the Cargobob. We're not worried about the three soldiers this time. Note that while you are flying into the hanger if you get a lock on the soldier behind the Cargobob, take the shot. The explosion you cause is above the chopper. Anyway any soldiers in the hanger will hit you and the Cargobob hard. Don't panic but fly the Cargobob out of there. Again, land on the roof of the hanger east of the Cargobob's hanger. Get out and destroy the remaining Lazers. Fly east and away from the soldiers to Sandy Shores Airport.

Land at the helipad. Get in Ron's plane. Get back in the Cargobob. Mission passed. While it's faster, it's much hairier. You and the Cargobob will take damage.

3. Drive by.

I learned about his from the following video by Granty. I do it slightly different than he does but it's basically the same. Note this method requires precision driving and accuracy at throwing sticky bombs from a moving car.

First, have a fast car that's armored. Speaking of armor, make sure you are wearing body armor. And take some extra just in case. Okay, get in and out of Ron's plane to highlight the Lazers. You don't have to do this first but it makes the mission easier. Get in your car. Now mark a waypoint. I usually set it at the highway that runs under Fort Zancudo but you're going to have to set it close to that tunnel that runs under the base. Unlike Granty, I want to drive the main road that runs parallel to the river that flows south of the base. If you come too far from the north, you'll have to drive those slippery roads which may lead to needless accidents.

Most of you know of the jump that lies next to the north tunnel entrance. If you hit it right, your car will fly over the fence and land at the far end of the runway or one of the further west parts of the base. No sneaking around here. Drive over to the first Lazaer which is the further west and hit it with a sticky bomb. Detonate. Go east. Hit the second Lazar. Then drive and hit the last Lazer.

Drive into the hanger with Cargobob. Stay to the right or east of the chopper. Get in the Cargobob and fly out of there. You will get hit and hit a lot. Don't panic. Careful with the Cargobob but quickly fly it out of the hanger. Get altitude and fly it back to Sandy Shores airport. Mission passed.

A couple of things about the drive by method. This way can be the fastest path to completion. But it requires precision and fast driving. I die more times doing it this way then any other. You will get shot and hit. That's why I recommend a sports car with armor. The Zentorno is a good choice since you can't be shot from the rear in it.

Granty demonstrates the drive by method.

4. Conclusion.

Look, if you are a great driver then the drive by method may be for you. But it's only slightly faster than flying a Buzzard into the hanger. The safest way is to use the stealth method. Now note all three ways are done more easily solo. That's because if you play with randoms they can screw things up by alerting the troops too early. Plus you don't have to worry about the safety of a teammate.

With the increased difficulty of the mission Rooftop Rumble, GTA V players need to look at other ways to make fast money. The mission Base Invaders when done in one of the three methods above is one of the missions to earn money easily.

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Stephen Colbert on the mess in Iraq

Confused about the mess in Iraq? Need some satire with your bad news? Here's Stephen Colbert to explain it all for you.

Transformers: Age of Extinction 3D review

I like writing about film. There's a joy when I review a movie like The King's Speech (2010) and get to share my delight in the experience of cinematic greatness. But then there's the task of reviewing a Michael Bay movie. Okay, I loved The Rock (1996) but his recent ventures into the world of Transformers, a toy made into a movie franchise, leaves me wondering if his film career is about making movies for eight year olds. His recent film, Transformers: Age of Extinction, while not a family film, is not something that any thinking mature adult would like.

Transformers: Age of Extinction starts out on ancient earth. Dinosaurs are still alive. Then the aliens wipe them out. It looks like the aliens used a bomb to turn them into a metal like substance. Hold on. So a comet didn't kill the dinosaurs. Science was wrong? Maybe conservative Republicans are right. Global warming is a hoax. I kid. I kid the Republicans. But come on. Now we've got a movie that completely rewrites history without any factual basis.

We flash forward. it's four years after the Battle of Chicago depicted in Transformers: The Dark of the Mooon. (2011) Texas inventor Cade Yeager (Mark Wahlberg) buys a beat up truck, who turns out to be Optimus Prime. You see after the heroic Autobots have gotten rid of the evil Decepticons, humans have started to hunt down them down. This effort is led by the CIA's Harold Attinger (Kelsey Grammer) and James Savoy (Titus Welliver) who's actually the Smoke Monster. Okay, that Smoke Monster stuff is from the awful TV series, Lost. The reason why they are killing the surviving Autobots is because they believe that they are an alien threat. Meanwhile, Joshua Joyce, (Stanley Tucci) head of a corporation called KSI has created his own transformers made out of a metal called Trasnformium. It's a metal found also on Pandora guarded by giant blue aliens. Er... That last part is Avatar and that rock was called unobtanium. Sorry. But really. Can't screen writers come up with more imaginative names for exotic matter. I mean in Star Trek, they used dilithium crystals. Anyway, he's created a master robot called Galvatron using the evil Megatron's head. Hmmm. I wonder how that will turn out. Back to Cade. He and his seventeen year old daughter Tessa (Nicola Peltz) decide to help Optimus evade the CIA. Maybe they should just call Russian President Vladimir Putin and ask that he gives Optimus asylum.

Let me just cut to the chase. Transformers: Age of Extinction is one bad film. And I don't mean bad like using that term in the seventies to stand for something awesome. I mean bad as in not good. And the creation of this cinematic turd belongs to writer Ehren Kruger and director Michael Bay. Kruger has crafted one dumb screenplay. The stupidity of his writing is demonstrated by the actions and dialogue of his characters. Let's look at a few examples. Humans hunt down Autobots because they believe they are a threat but didn't they demonstrate the opposite buy saving humanity from the evil Decepticons? The President of the United States is so weak, he can't control a couple CIA agents? The best he can do is send some administration lackey to beg Attinger to behave. Is this a shot at Obama? Some characters are underwritten. When a comic relief character dies, we don't care. That's because there was nothing in the movie to endear us to hin. In another scene, Cade uses a small drone to scan the id badges of an employee of KSI so he can gain access to company's lab. And they act like it meant nothing. It stretches any logic to assume that the employee would not say to his boss, "Hey that drone scanned my id badge." Then there's the product placement. A Bud Light truck gets destroyed. Cade grabs a can of it and drinks it. It kind of reminds me of that scene in Wayne's World where Wayne and Garth turn to the camera using products they swore they would not endorse. Clip below. What about the dialogue? Cade demands Savoy show a warrant when they search his ranch. Savoy utters this gem. "My face is my warrant." Joyce describes the CIA's actions as "icky."

I don't know how one can top the stink of this movie from the screenplay but director Michael Bay has. First, there's a creep factor. The character of Tessa is seventeen. Bay stages one of his famous T & A shots using one of Tessa's butt in the foreground. Then to explain that it's okay for her to have sexual relations with a man of twenty, they bring out Texas' "Romeo and Juliet" laws. Shakespeare, this ain't. But maybe this is an appeal to the Duck Dynasty crowd, as in Phil Robertson's advice on marrying teenagers. Second, as usual Bay makes Transformers: Age of Extinction like he does many of his movies. They're made for teenagers with ADHD. There are needless swooping camera shots, fast cutting, hand-held camera shots to show what should already be exciting. Of course, with Bay, you got to blow things up. And if you like explosions, you won't be disappointed. Bay has now forgone setting up action scenes. Instead, this movie is a series of money shots. For example, Autobot Hound must make a last stand against a group of Decepticons. We don't get a scene of fifty Decepticons converging on this lone Autobot. Bay merely cuts to many scenes of Hound fighting. It's also one loud movie and by that I mean visually loud. It's like a visual depiction of loud, heavy metal rock. At one hundred and sixty five minutes, the movie pounds you into your seat until you swear you will never watch another summer action movie again.

As for the acting performances, I can't say much. The actors are given dumb dialogue to utter and they do it well. But it's still stupid. Tessa is written as a whiny teenager. Yeah, during one scene, where she's crawling on a wire, hundreds of feet above the ground, I was rooting for her to fall. If there's one good thing about this movie, it's Stanley Tucci. He knows the movie is badly written and he hams it up. He did make me smile.

If you're going to see this piece of cinematic feces, view it in 3D. Bay shot some of it in native 3D with IMAX 3D cameras, and converted other parts he shot in 2D. The native 3D scenes are obvious. They have depth. Objects such as ships pop off the screen. Bay is not subtle about using 3D and that's a good thing. Live actions scenes that were shot in 2D don't have that effect. Still, there's enough native 3D to give you your money's worth.

Transformers: Age of Extinction is not as dumb as its predecessor, Transformers: Dark of the Moon. But that's like saying Ed Woods's Glen or Glenda is better than his Plan 9 from Outer Space. It's still pretty stupid. The grade is D Plus.