Transformers: Age of Extinction 3D review

I like writing about film. There's a joy when I review a movie like The King's Speech (2010) and get to share my delight in the experience of cinematic greatness. But then there's the task of reviewing a Michael Bay movie. Okay, I loved The Rock (1996) but his recent ventures into the world of Transformers, a toy made into a movie franchise, leaves me wondering if his film career is about making movies for eight year olds. His recent film, Transformers: Age of Extinction, while not a family film, is not something that any thinking mature adult would like.

Transformers: Age of Extinction starts out on ancient earth. Dinosaurs are still alive. Then the aliens wipe them out. It looks like the aliens used a bomb to turn them into a metal like substance. Hold on. So a comet didn't kill the dinosaurs. Science was wrong? Maybe conservative Republicans are right. Global warming is a hoax. I kid. I kid the Republicans. But come on. Now we've got a movie that completely rewrites history without any factual basis.

We flash forward. it's four years after the Battle of Chicago depicted in Transformers: The Dark of the Mooon. (2011) Texas inventor Cade Yeager (Mark Wahlberg) buys a beat up truck, who turns out to be Optimus Prime. You see after the heroic Autobots have gotten rid of the evil Decepticons, humans have started to hunt down them down. This effort is led by the CIA's Harold Attinger (Kelsey Grammer) and James Savoy (Titus Welliver) who's actually the Smoke Monster. Okay, that Smoke Monster stuff is from the awful TV series, Lost. The reason why they are killing the surviving Autobots is because they believe that they are an alien threat. Meanwhile, Joshua Joyce, (Stanley Tucci) head of a corporation called KSI has created his own transformers made out of a metal called Trasnformium. It's a metal found also on Pandora guarded by giant blue aliens. Er... That last part is Avatar and that rock was called unobtanium. Sorry. But really. Can't screen writers come up with more imaginative names for exotic matter. I mean in Star Trek, they used dilithium crystals. Anyway, he's created a master robot called Galvatron using the evil Megatron's head. Hmmm. I wonder how that will turn out. Back to Cade. He and his seventeen year old daughter Tessa (Nicola Peltz) decide to help Optimus evade the CIA. Maybe they should just call Russian President Vladimir Putin and ask that he gives Optimus asylum.

Let me just cut to the chase. Transformers: Age of Extinction is one bad film. And I don't mean bad like using that term in the seventies to stand for something awesome. I mean bad as in not good. And the creation of this cinematic turd belongs to writer Ehren Kruger and director Michael Bay. Kruger has crafted one dumb screenplay. The stupidity of his writing is demonstrated by the actions and dialogue of his characters. Let's look at a few examples. Humans hunt down Autobots because they believe they are a threat but didn't they demonstrate the opposite buy saving humanity from the evil Decepticons? The President of the United States is so weak, he can't control a couple CIA agents? The best he can do is send some administration lackey to beg Attinger to behave. Is this a shot at Obama? Some characters are underwritten. When a comic relief character dies, we don't care. That's because there was nothing in the movie to endear us to hin. In another scene, Cade uses a small drone to scan the id badges of an employee of KSI so he can gain access to company's lab. And they act like it meant nothing. It stretches any logic to assume that the employee would not say to his boss, "Hey that drone scanned my id badge." Then there's the product placement. A Bud Light truck gets destroyed. Cade grabs a can of it and drinks it. It kind of reminds me of that scene in Wayne's World where Wayne and Garth turn to the camera using products they swore they would not endorse. Clip below. What about the dialogue? Cade demands Savoy show a warrant when they search his ranch. Savoy utters this gem. "My face is my warrant." Joyce describes the CIA's actions as "icky."




I don't know how one can top the stink of this movie from the screenplay but director Michael Bay has. First, there's a creep factor. The character of Tessa is seventeen. Bay stages one of his famous T & A shots using one of Tessa's butt in the foreground. Then to explain that it's okay for her to have sexual relations with a man of twenty, they bring out Texas' "Romeo and Juliet" laws. Shakespeare, this ain't. But maybe this is an appeal to the Duck Dynasty crowd, as in Phil Robertson's advice on marrying teenagers. Second, as usual Bay makes Transformers: Age of Extinction like he does many of his movies. They're made for teenagers with ADHD. There are needless swooping camera shots, fast cutting, hand-held camera shots to show what should already be exciting. Of course, with Bay, you got to blow things up. And if you like explosions, you won't be disappointed. Bay has now forgone setting up action scenes. Instead, this movie is a series of money shots. For example, Autobot Hound must make a last stand against a group of Decepticons. We don't get a scene of fifty Decepticons converging on this lone Autobot. Bay merely cuts to many scenes of Hound fighting. It's also one loud movie and by that I mean visually loud. It's like a visual depiction of loud, heavy metal rock. At one hundred and sixty five minutes, the movie pounds you into your seat until you swear you will never watch another summer action movie again.


As for the acting performances, I can't say much. The actors are given dumb dialogue to utter and they do it well. But it's still stupid. Tessa is written as a whiny teenager. Yeah, during one scene, where she's crawling on a wire, hundreds of feet above the ground, I was rooting for her to fall. If there's one good thing about this movie, it's Stanley Tucci. He knows the movie is badly written and he hams it up. He did make me smile.

If you're going to see this piece of cinematic feces, view it in 3D. Bay shot some of it in native 3D with IMAX 3D cameras, and converted other parts he shot in 2D. The native 3D scenes are obvious. They have depth. Objects such as ships pop off the screen. Bay is not subtle about using 3D and that's a good thing. Live actions scenes that were shot in 2D don't have that effect. Still, there's enough native 3D to give you your money's worth.

Transformers: Age of Extinction is not as dumb as its predecessor, Transformers: Dark of the Moon. But that's like saying Ed Woods's Glen or Glenda is better than his Plan 9 from Outer Space. It's still pretty stupid. The grade is D Plus.

Cliven Bundy demonstrates the stream of racism in some conservatives

There's a stream of racism in some conservatives. And let me make this clear. Not all conservatives are racists. But there has been a history of racism in some conservatives. The recent racist remarks by conservative hero Cliven Bundy demonstrates this. This is not the ranting of some liberal because here's the proof.

1. The Southern Strategy From Wikipedia: "In American politics, the Southern strategy refers to a Republican Party strategy of gaining political support for certain candidates in the Southern United States by appealing to racism against African Americans." Just so you know, the Republicans did acknowledge the strategy. "In 2005, Republican National Committee chairman Ken Mehlman formally apologized to the NAACP for ignoring the black vote and exploiting racial conflicts." Wikipedia.

2. Orange County, California Republican Party official Marilyn Davenport sends email depicting President Obama's parents as monkeys. That occurred in 2011.

3. Conservative hero Cliven Bundy's remarks that blacks may have been better off as slaves. A couple of weeks ago, conservatives were fawning all over rancher Cliven Bundy and his dispute against the Federal government over his use of government land for cattle grazing. But in an interview with the New York Times, he demonstrated that he is a racist. This is what he said about African Americans.

“And because they were basically on government subsidy, so now what do they do?” They abort their young children, they put their young men in jail, because they never learned how to pick cotton. And I’ve often wondered, are they better off as slaves, picking cotton and having a family life and doing things, or are they better off under government subsidy? They didn’t get no more freedom. They got less freedom.

It's a insanely racist comment similar to what conservative celebrity Phil Robertson of Duck Dynasty said. It's a yearning by white conservatives for African Americans to be again made slaves because these white conservatives believe blacks to be lesser human beings. Conservative is one thing. Racist conservative is another. And since this stream of racism runs among certain conservatives, people should stop voting Republican or else some of this racist thought will enter into public policy.

Duck Dynasty's Phil Robertson recommends Christian men marry fifteen year old girls

From the Huffington Post, here is video of Ducky Dynasty's Phil Robertson speaking at a Christian retreat. He recommends that Christian men marry girls as young as fifteen. Are the Republican conservatives still going to defend him? Oh, he also said the woman you marry should be able to cook a meal and that when women get to be twenty they'll "pick" your pocket. Let's count what this guy is. Homophobic. (Compared homosexuality to bestiality.) Racist. (Believes blacks were happier before the Civil Rights movement. Translate. He thinks they were happier before they were free.) And now add "sexist."

A & E defends biogotry

Yesterday's news from A & E would prompt a sarcastic Gomer Pyle to say, " Surprise, surprise, surprise." The cable network has quickly removed the suspension of Phil Robertson of Duck Dynasty. The network announced the news yesterday on a Friday afternoon. Hmmm. I wonder why they did it yesterday. Could it be it would get buried in the slow news cycle? Is the Pope Catholic?

If you recall, Robertson likened homosexuality to bestiality and said blacks were happier before the Civil Rights movement. Two comments that were ignorant, and prejudicial. The comment about African Americans was particularly racist. As it yearns for a South when blacks were openly discriminated against and treated as second class citizens.

A & E by officially bringing back Robertson has made a statement. TV ratings matter more than racial tolerance. By bringing him back, the network has now given a forum for hatred. Young Americans will see that a racist can be successful. There will be no moral consequence for hatred. What next? The KKK Hour on A & E because it brings TV ratings?

I believe in free speech. Robertson has spoken. Now, it's time for you to speak. I've already said I will boycott the show and the network. I ask if you believe in tolerance, should you be supporting Duck Dynasty and giving a reward for hatred?

Sarah Palin shoots from the hip

As Louis would say in Casablanca, "I'm shocked. Shocked." Shocked that conservative Republican Sarah Palin would mouth off her opinion on a topic without knowing anything about it. Palin defended Duck Dynasty's Phil Robertson comments that compared homosexuality to bestiality and blacks were happier before the civil rights movement. Now we find out Palin didn't read them before she defended Robertson. Ignorant? You betcha.

Stephen Colbert on Duck Dynasty's Phil Robertson

Here's Stephen Colbert with his take on Duck Dynasty's Phil Robertson and his bigoted comments to GQ.

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Jon Stewart on Duck Dynasty's Phil Robertson

Here's Jon Stewart of The Daily Show taking on Ducky Dynasty's Phil Robertson and his bigoted comments.

The Daily Show
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I'm going to boycott "Duck Dynasty."

I guess it's too much to ask a redneck to not be a bigot. Duck Dynasty's patriarch Phil Robertson let us see the real redneck. And guess what? He thinks homosexuality is like bestiality and that blacks were happier before civil rights legislation. Let's take a look at his comments to GQ. And I'll tell you why I plan to boycott Duck Dynasty.

1. The Anti-Gay Comments.

Here's what he said about gay men as reported by the Huffington Post.

“It seems like, to me, a vagina -- as a man -- would be more desirable than a man’s anus," Robertson told GQ. "That’s just me. I’m just thinking: There’s more there! She’s got more to offer. I mean, come on, dudes! You know what I’m saying? But hey, sin: It’s not logical, my man. It’s just not logical.”

Okay, not so bad. It's kind of funny. But then he shows his true nature and it ain't a lovin' Christian.

“Everything is blurred on what’s right and what’s wrong. Sin becomes fine," he later added. “Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there. Bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and that woman and those men. Don’t be deceived. Neither the adulterers, the idolaters, the male prostitutes, the homosexual offenders, the greedy, the drunkards, the slanderers, the swindlers -- they won’t inherit the kingdom of God. Don’t deceive yourself. It’s not right.”

Okay, the stuff about comparing homosexuality to bestiality ain't about loving your fellow man. It's hatred. Because homosexuality is not a deviant sexual practice. If Phil had remembered his high school education, he would know that gay men have helped build our western civilization. See the Greeks.

2. The Racial Comments.

Here's what Robertson had to say about blacks in the pre-civil-rights-era. From E Online.

"I never, with my eyes, saw the mistreatment of any black person," Robertson claims. "Not once. Where we lived was all farmers. The blacks worked for the farmers. I hoed cotten with them. I'm with the blacks, because we're white trash. ... They're singing and happy. I never heard one of them, one black person, say, 'I tell you what: These doggone white people'—not a word!... Pre-entitlement, pre-welfare, you say: Were they happy? They were godly; they were happy; no one was singing the blues."

This is either brain dead or the sign of a bigot. Blacks suffered under Jim Crow laws which disenfranchised them from being heard in the democratic process. So which is it Phil? Ignorance of black suffering or are you a real life Archie Bunker?

3. Free Speech and Sarah Palin

My muse, Sarah Palin defended Robertson and so did Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal. They used the First Amendment's Right of Free Speech as the basis. That's just ignorant. The First Amendment protects speech from government censorship. Robertson got to spew his prejudicial remarks freely. If Duck Dynasty's network A & E doesn't like it, they can act by suspending Robertson. And also defending Robertson was the Duck Dynasty clan. This went along the lines of saying Robertson was expressing his religious views. Well, if that's your view of Christianity, I'm not going to your church. We also find out that A & E doesn't really care about his comments since they're going to air new shows with Robertson this January.

4. The Boycott. Okay, now I'm going to exercise my First Amendment Rights. I'm not gong to watch Duck Dynasty again. And I'm going to avoid A & E's other programming to protest. I'm not going to support a bigot or the network that supports him.