There was a time when Bruce Willis had hair. And if you're older than thirty you remember it. Now, Willis is old and firmly in the AARP range. So it's fun to see the old man kick ass in the action-comedy, Red.
Based on the Warren Ellis and Cully Hamner's graphic novel of the same name, Red is the story of retired superspy Frank Moses. (Bruce Willis) Frank lives quietly in the suburbs where he routinely tears up his pension check so he can call and talk to Treasury customer service operator Sarah Ross. (Mary-Louise Parker) His quiet life is disrupted by an assassination attempt. Realizing that the assassins were professionals, Frank flees and kidnaps Sarah, fearing that she will also be killed.
They run to New Orleans to talk to an old CIA associate, Joe Matheson, for information. (Morgan Freeman) Joe gives them information that leads to the discovery of a hit list which Frank is on. They then seek the help of another ex-agent, the mentally unstable Marvin Boggs. (John Malkovich) The three then seek to find out why there is a contract on the people on the list. Along the way, they form a team with Joe, and another ex-spy, Victoria. (Helen Mirren)
The first thing about Red that you'll notice is the cast. You have great acting talent in Oscar winner Helen Mirren, Morgan Freeman, John Malkovich, Richard Dreyfuss and Bruce Willis. The second thing you'll notice is the age of the principal characters. This is not a film about teenagers. You see Red stands for retired, extremely dangerous. The team are retired ex-spies. And what performances. Freeman is solid as always. Helen Mirren gives her character a Martha Stewart air yet she wields machine guns as good as the guys. Bruce Willis is good as the weary former spy. And John Malkovich steals the film as the mentally unbalanced and hilarious Marvin.
It's refreshing to see an action-comedy not made specifically for teenagers. There's some wild action but that's balanced out by some great humor and warmth. You do care about these characters and the credit should go to screenwriters, Jon and Eric Hoeber. Director Robert Schwentke has some cool camera angles and his direction keeps the film moving. Red is an action movie for the mature crowd. But you teenagers will love it too. The grade is A.
Maybe Hollywood could learn something from the videogame, Halo: Reach. When was the last time a big budget movie finished with a sad ending? Yet if you've played the versions of Halo, you know how Halo: Reach will end. In the other games, non-player characters talk about the fall of planet Reach. The story of this game is a tragedy. Yet, looking at the sales, the game still did very well. I hope Hollywood takes notice.
Halo: Reach is a prequel to the first Halo game. You play Noble Six, a faceless member of Noble squadron. They are a group of elite soldiers called Spartans and armed with special powered armor. The squad is dispatched to investigate why an outpost went silent. When they arrive, they discover the worst. Instead of human insurgents, the Covenant, an alien alliance, has attacked the post. It's now clear that planet Reach is being invaded. The rest of the game is a set of missions for you to complete. Most of them are in support of retreating troops or civilians.
First, I'm going to address the minor problems with this game. The save system which uses checkpoints can get infuriating. Take for example where you drive a tank back to base. As you approach, the alien defenses which includes heavy guns and vehicles open up on you. If you get killed, you'll be thrown back to last checkpoint and will have to kill all the enemies you've may have killed before the aliens got you. On the normal difficulty level, Covenant forces are tough. Killing Elites is hard. And even the Grunts lay down some heavy fire. Now, that may be intentional because you are fighting a losing battle. Oh, and one more thing about a plot point. In one scene you are thrown off an enemy ship in space. And you fall back to the planet. Huh? I mean you should be burned up and dead by the time you hit the surface.
What about the gameplay? It's your classic first person shooting goodness from developer Bungie. Firing guns is a blast. The graphics are gorgeous. There's a new orbital fighter which you take into space. It's quite enjoyable blowing up enemy fighters with lasers and missiles. Besides the campaign mode, other features return. They include map making Forge, Theater and of course, multiplayer online. The action is unrelenting. If this were a movie I would complain but as video games go, it's addictive. You want to clear an area to see where the next mission will take you.
Halo: Reach is the last Halo game that Bungie will develop. It is bittersweet end. And the game is a reflection of that. I can't remember if I've ever seen a game finish with a sad ending. Of course, there's hope since the game leads you directly to Halo: Combat Evolved. But I commend Bungie and Microsoft for releasing a courageous game. The grade is A.
Here's a trailer which is not based on actual gameplay but depicts the sacrifice of the Spartans. It's pretty cool and very emotional.
I was listening to NPR today and author Edward Epstein made the argument that TV is more intelligent than film. His argument is that the studios are marketing to the one reliable audience that goes to movies, teenagers. TV on the other hand is geared towards the person who pays the cable bill which is the adult. (Here's the interview and story.)
Is he right? Somewhat. Not all big studio films are made for the masses. "Inception" was an intelligent thriller. Yet, there's quite a bit of sophistication on television. Mad Men.Boardwalk Empire. A show that I watch regularly is Fringe. It's a hell of a show with intelligence, heart and great performances. The same guys who created it, J.J. Abrams, Alex Kurtzman and Bob Orci also made Star Trek. (2009) Now Star Trek was a good movie but it's not as smart as Fringe. Star Trek was made for a different audience, a mass audience. Yet, a filmmaker can have it all. "Dark Knight" and "Inception" both directed by Christopher Nolan were very intelligent films. They both made a lot of money. It just requires some artistic courage on the behalf of the studios.
I've referenced Saturday Night Live's Land Shark skit when discussing craptastic Sharktopus. (SyFy, 2010) When the sharktopus is on land and comes over the top of a victim and chomps on him, it reminds me of SNL's Land Shark skit. Because the land shark comes through the door and bites you in the head. Here's a clip from the first skit featuring the Land Shark, aired in SNL's first season. (1975)
I've griped about the SyFy movie Sharktopus. (2010) It's now time to say something positive about it. The best thing about Sharktopus is Shandi Finnessey. Yes, I know she's gorgeous. And this blog is not about checking out beautiful women. But seriously, she's not bad as an actress. Compared to Sara Lane in the movie, she's Judi Dench. Anyway, here are her scenes.
Okay, I'll admit that I watched Sharktopus (2010, TV movie for SYFY) a couple of times to catalog the crazy moments in this stinker. Hey, I'm a glutton for punishment. It seems at times, the filmmakers knew they were making a stupid movie and had their tongues or should I say tentacles in their cheeks. The problem is they didn't go all the way and turn this bomb into a comedy. Anyway, I'll divide this revisit of Sharktopus into three categories, terrible acting, awful dialogue and crazy action.
1. Terrible Acting. Eric Roberts plays corporate scientist Sands. He absolutely hams everything up because he knows this movie is stupid. Or maybe he's like that in every movie. Everything he does is done with a smirk. Sara Lane plays his daughter, Nicole. Her idea of acting? Look seasick. Kerem Bursin who plays hired gun, Flynn. He was probably cast for his pectoral muscles. He'll probably be posing for Playgirl soon. Liv Boughn plays reporter Stacy Everheart and runs around in a halter with her midriff on display. She looks like a cheap hooker that you see in any big city. With the exception of Shandi Finnessey (Stephanie) and Brent Huff (Commander Cox) everybody else are a bunch of robots.
And let's not forget the Sharktopus Wave demonstrated by the actors who play victims. This happens when Sharktopus grabs you with his tentacle. How do you do it? Throw your arms up like you're on a rollercoster and shake your hands.
2. Awful Dialogue
a. Girl no. 1.: Swim with me. Girl no. 2: In the ocean? There's fish out there.
b. Sands: Very National Geographic, isn't it?
c. Sands: Make me proud pumpkin. Nicole: I told you to stop calling me that. Sands: Make me proud Nicole. (This is bizarre because it occurs as Nicole is using a computer to control Sharktopus.)
d. After a painter jokes with his buddy about gruesome ways to die, Sharktopus grabs the friend. When it grabs the painter, he yells, "Oh no, not like this." Check the clip below. Sorry about the volume, it's low.
e. Commander Cox: You just unleashed an eight legged man eating shark on the world. Sands: A minor setback.
f. Sands: Relax commander. We'll get S-11 (Sharktopus) even if we have to go to the ends of the earth. (Roberts delivers this with a goofy smirk.)
g. Stacy Everheart: Stop starring at my rack. They're just boobs, they're not going to get up and dance or anything.
h. Pez (witness and beach bum during TV interview): And then I saw the tentacles, the black soulless eyes just like my third wife.
i. After Sharktopus has slaughtered people, Pez comments that's it was horrible. Stacy Everheart in deadpan voice: Sure, sure. Horrible.
j. Sands must report to his navy handler. First he's got to drink. I'm guessing the drinks are real. Because Roberts' performance just gets more goofy after this.
Sands: First, bring me a great big enormous scotch.
k. Stacy Everheart: Oh, Pez. I could just hug you right now if you were better looking and had better hygiene. (She does and Pez grabs her ass.)
l. Bones (Everheart's cameraman): He was kinda of a nice guy. (Pez) Smelled a little funky but he was okay. But now he's dead.
m. Tourist on watching Sharktopus attacking dancers: Is that part of the show?
n. Tourist teenager after seeing Sharktopus kill: Dude, that's awesome.
o. Flynn to tourists: There's a killer shark octopus hybrid headed this way.
p. Sands to Flynn: What's your life compared to a miracle of science?
3. Crazy Action
a. Flynn is relaxing in a pool underwater. He's dressed in only his swim trunks. He then surfaces in a sombrero.
b. Flynn is still in the pool playing water polo with some lovelies. He's informed that the Sharktopus has escaped. The ball is thrown over and hits him.
c. An old man (Producer Roger Corman) admires a cute woman bending over to pick up a coin. She's attacked by Sharktopus. Old man does nothing and later takes the coin.
d. The Classic Scene. A woman goes bungie jumping. As she reaches the bottom of the dive, Sharktopus jumps out of the water and swallows her whole. It's in trailer below.
e. There's a couple of times where people just stand around and wait to be skewered by Sharktopus' tentacles. Hello? Run you idiots.
f. Sharktopus uses his tentacle and rips off his head harness. Later in the movie he uses his tentacle to remove a harpoon stuck in his head. It just looks ridiculous.
g. Flynn and buddy Santos joke around after Sharktopus has just killed two team members.
h. Couple has just witnessed gruesome deaths. Yet, husband still wants to stay on the water and fish. Guess what happens?
i. I believe that was real scotch that Eric Roberts was drinking. Because as the movie goes on, he seems blitzed.
j. Sharktopus is impervious to bullets. Flynn unloads his machine gun into Sharktopus. Yet, nothing happens. The funniest scene is to watch the monster react to getting shot in the head in a stiff almost stop action motion.
k. Favorite type of Sharktopus kill. When Sharktopus is out of the water, comes over the top of a person and bites him in the head. It looks like Saturday Night Live's Land Shark skit.
l. Sharktopus growls.
m. The Sharktopus Chomp. When Sharktopus eats a person whole, he makes a chomping noise. CHOMP!
n. Marachi music always signals that some poor tourist is going to become human chum.
o. Sharktopus on land. It looks absolutely ludicrous. First, how does this thing breathe above water? Second, it uses its tentacles to walk around. WTF? A big shark head out of water and eating people reminds me of SNL's Land Shark. And check out the scene (in the trailer above) where it makes a snack out of a tourist who is riding a lift. LOL.
p. The kill switch password. At the end of the movie, Nicole is frantically trying to figure out the password which will activate the kill switch for Sharktopus. You'll guess it way before she does. That's because the screenplay writer telegraphed it. Hint: It's a word that Nicole doesn't like being called.
4. Conclusion. I wonder if there is going to be an extended DVD version of this turkey. Because I'm curious if there's move insanity that wasn't in the TV version.
Rachel Maddow discusses the new wave of GOP racist candidates, including New York gubernatorial candidate, Carl Paladino. People, I remember a time when the GOP was nothing like these candidates. Yes, I know that there was the GOP's southern strategy but the party still had moderates back in my younger years. It's another reason why I won't become a Republican.
Sarah Palin described bloggers as people in their pajamas sitting in their mother's basement. Well, Sarah I sometimes blog in my pajamas. Your comment has inspired a great name for this blog. Thanks, Sarah.
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