Bengals Suck

Okay, it's official. The 2010 Cincinnati Bengals suck. Today, they lost against the Miami Dolphins, 22-14. It started out good with the Bengals scoring two touchdowns in the first half. Heck, on the first drive, the Bengals drove for eighty six yards for a TD. They led the Dolphins 14-12.

Then came the second half. Five straight three and outs. The offense stuttered. The defense had no pass rush. The Bengals had to blitz to get a pass rush. There was a ninety six yard TD drive by the Dolphins. Game over. Is it too much to ask Terrell Owens to finish routes and fight for the the ball? On the last Dolphin interception, Solomon Wilcots pointed out that TO could have finished the route. Then TO was open in the endzone and Wilcots commented that he could have come back to the ball and catch it. Instead he waited for it, giving the defensive back the opportunity to make a play on it. Maybe TO needs to protect his face for his future television show.

The Bengals are now 2-5. Is the season over? I would say yes. Next week the Pittsburgh Steelers come to town probably licking their chops and looking to humiliate our beloved Bengals.

Keith Olbermann on the Tea Party Candidates

Last night, Keith Olbermann on Countdown, went over the radical ideas of a group of Tea Party candidates. While I may agree with maybe one idea that these nuts have, I agree more with Olbermann. Below is his Special Commentary. Watch it and find out what the Tea Party, which is basically a form of conservative Republican, believes in.

A Tribute to Jen Taylor

For nine years, she's voiced the sultry voice of the AI character Cortana in the Halo video game series. She is the lovely and talented Jen Taylor. If you listen to the commentary on the Halo: Combat Evolved, writer Joe Staten identifies the voice of the dropship pilot as Taylor. The point? Taylor also plays Cortana in the same scene. It sounds like two different people. I bet you didn't know that Jen is also the voice of Dr. Halsey in the new Halo: Reach game.

Here's the mini-documentary, Cortana Chronicles: In Search of Halo Fandom featuring the sublime Jen Taylor.



Part Two.



And check out this funny Jen Taylor faux interview.



Finally, check out her body of work at IMDB.

Bengals Bungle Again

This game was over at half time. Yep. I know the Bengals got off the mat and went ahead by one point in the second half. But the Atlanta Falcons crushed the vaunted Bengals defense to take a twenty one point lead in the first half, 24-3. And when the defense needed to stop the Falcons, they couldn't. I'm talking after the Bengals went ahead by one point. Falcons receiver Roddy White killed the Bengals. And what Bengals loss could happen without a heart breaking mistake. In the fourth quarter, RB Cedric Benson, untouched, fumbled the ball. Game over. 39-32. That's because the Bengals couldn't stop the Falcons.

One last thing. Chad Ochocinco sent T-shirts to the Falcons defensive backs to advertise his new videogame and to taunt them. That inspired Falcons' Roddy White to play a great game. Memo to Chad. Just shut up and play.

Another Crazy Republican Tea Party Candidate

Stephen Broden, Republican and Tea Party darling, is running for Congress in Texas' 30th District. He also says that violent overthrow of the government is on the table if there isn't change in the leadership. Let's go over the list of crazy GOP Tea Party candidates. Carl Paladino. Sharron Angle. Christine O'Donnell. Now Stephen Broden. Here's Keith Olbermann's piece on this right-wing nut.

Rating the Halo Video Games

Now that Bungie has produced its last Halo videogame, it's time to rate their five games. Now there are similarities in all five games, some bad and much of it great. I can point out Bungie's sense of humor by making the cannon fodder Grunts into cowardly Munchkins. Note to those making a Halo movie, leave these adversaries out. Yet all of them have excellent gameplay and compelling storytelling. In that light, there is not one bad or even average game in the series. So let's countdown to the best of the Halo series, starting with number five.

5. Halo 3: ODST. (2009) It's the hardest of the series because you play a regular human soldier. You have no special armor. So that means you have to hunt for health while avoiding getting shot. There are times when you're confronted with a foe like a Hunter and the program doesn't offer you a heavy weapon. And finding the next mission can be tough since you have to find a small artifact to boot the next mission.

But as with all Halo games, the first person shooter (FPS) mechanics are stellar. There's a nice feeling of loneliness as you are cut off from the squad and are searching for them. Nice jazz music. And I appreciated the romance between Tricia Helfer's intelligence officer and Nathan Fillion's foot soldier. The grade is B.

4. Halo: Combat Evolved. (2001) The gameplay is inconsistent. Some missions are straight forward and accessible while others are very difficult. Try navigating through the library level with hundreds of Flood attacking you. And having the last mission to be a race against time in the near uncontrollable Warthog was an act of sadism by the programmers. It's made even more difficult by having ridiculous obstacles put in your path.

Okay, does that mean this is not a great game? Absolutely not. Firing guns has never been more fun. Gameplay is addictive. Controls are magnificent. The storytelling is nice mixture of science fiction and action. It was the success that the first person shooting genre needed to flourish on consoles. This is the game that saved XBOX. The grade is A.

3. Halo: Reach (2010) All the great game mechanics in the series are here. The dogfighting level in outer space is a blast. But Halo : Reach's strength is its story. It's a tragedy. And it exists in a videogame. When you finish the epilogue mission, you might feel sad but you realize the sacrifice was worth it as hope arises out of the fall of planet Reach. It's bold storytelling. The grade is A.

2. Halo 3. (2007) This is the first Halo game for the XBOX 360. It fully utilizes the hardware because the graphics are gorgeous. The mutating Flood troops are remarkable. The action is compelling. Though, I could have done without the deaths of Miranda Keyes and Sgt. Johnson. For some reason, writers want to make drastic changes in the last act of a story. Why? I don't know. Regardless, it's a satisfying conclusion to Master Chief's story. The grade is A.

1. Halo 2. There has been griping about the cliffhanger ending of Halo 2. Yeah, so what? It's the second act of three act play. Some consider Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back as the greatest of all the Star Wars movies. That also had an unresolved plot point. Halo 2 expands on the Halo universe in sophisticated ways. There's greater depth to all the races involved especially the when the story deals with Covenant. There's also lessons in tolerance.

Halo 2 also fixes some of the problems in the first game. Flying the Banshee is now a snap. Driving the Warthog is still hard but driving the tank is logical and fun. While this game is not easy, it's more digestible as far as the difficulty of the missions. The game also introduces online multiplayer. Everything is bliss as far as gameplay. Halo 2 is the perfect game of the series. The grade is A +.

I look forward to what new games Bungie will develop. I also am curious as to what direction, Microsoft who now will be producing Halo games, will take the franchise.

Red Film Review

There was a time when Bruce Willis had hair. And if you're older than thirty you remember it. Now, Willis is old and firmly in the AARP range. So it's fun to see the old man kick ass in the action-comedy, Red.

Based on the Warren Ellis and Cully Hamner's graphic novel of the same name, Red is the story of retired superspy Frank Moses. (Bruce Willis) Frank lives quietly in the suburbs where he routinely tears up his pension check so he can call and talk to Treasury customer service operator Sarah Ross. (Mary-Louise Parker) His quiet life is disrupted by an assassination attempt. Realizing that the assassins were professionals, Frank flees and kidnaps Sarah, fearing that she will also be killed.

They run to New Orleans to talk to an old CIA associate, Joe Matheson, for information. (Morgan Freeman) Joe gives them information that leads to the discovery of a hit list which Frank is on. They then seek the help of another ex-agent, the mentally unstable Marvin Boggs. (John Malkovich) The three then seek to find out why there is a contract on the people on the list. Along the way, they form a team with Joe, and another ex-spy, Victoria. (Helen Mirren)

The first thing about Red that you'll notice is the cast. You have great acting talent in Oscar winner Helen Mirren, Morgan Freeman, John Malkovich, Richard Dreyfuss and Bruce Willis. The second thing you'll notice is the age of the principal characters. This is not a film about teenagers. You see Red stands for retired, extremely dangerous. The team are retired ex-spies. And what performances. Freeman is solid as always. Helen Mirren gives her character a Martha Stewart air yet she wields machine guns as good as the guys. Bruce Willis is good as the weary former spy. And John Malkovich steals the film as the mentally unbalanced and hilarious Marvin.

It's refreshing to see an action-comedy not made specifically for teenagers. There's some wild action but that's balanced out by some great humor and warmth. You do care about these characters and the credit should go to screenwriters, Jon and Eric Hoeber. Director Robert Schwentke has some cool camera angles and his direction keeps the film moving. Red is an action movie for the mature crowd. But you teenagers will love it too. The grade is A.